shrinking violet: November 2018

img (c) ClipArt

I started this blog on the 7th of February 2017 with a post called Sprouting. This was at a time where I felt better than I had for a long time, but also much more uncertain and insecure than I feel right now. When I look back at the journey I have made throughout this blog, I feel like I'm growing and stretching out. I feel like moments of contentness are weaving their way through my life at a higher frequency than ever before. My circumstances haven't changed that much, but my mindset has. This is not to say I don't still have my bad moments, but they are much more fleeting. I am more confident in who I am and who I don't have to be. I'm still a shrInking violet, and what is so wrong with that?

I currently have a lot of things going on, and I plan to write more specifically about those things in the future. I hope to write a post for undergraduates currently embarking on their first year and I also want to address fellow migraineurs. Although I'm happier right now, the migraines are getting worse and an outlet is very much needed. I haven't been able to draw for a long time and my crocheting has also taken a bit of a back-seat (don't even get me started on books and video games), because in September I started a PGCE and my new job as a graduate teacher. The concept of free time has been slightly out of reach since then, but now that I'm more settled I'm finally finding a routine which helps me find pockets of time for myself. Today is one of those days. I'm celebrating a successfully completed observation by having a relaxing day (ignoring the fact I have a dentist appointment later).

This morning I watched the new trailer for Dumbo (2019), a highly-anticipated remake from Tim Burton. I cried watching it. Despite my degree giving me handfuls of reasons to be highly critical of Disney, and believe me I am, I still find comfort and happiness in the stories because of the nostalgia they bring. They are such a big part of my childhood, and just hearing the music from Dumbo brings tears to my eyes every time.

I took a break from writing this to make some lunch. My stomach was growling unbearably because I couldn't eat much yesterday. In the spirit of healthy eating, I'm now eating a cheesy pasta Mugshot because it took 5 minutes to be ready to eat. It's not grate (ba dum tsh), but it'll do the job.

I think my desire to write a post today is because today I feel really good. Today my head isn't sabotaging itself. Today is a day I want to note down as a snapshot, a checkpoint. Sometimes I hear a song I haven't listened to for a while, and it transports me back to that time. All the feelings I was having at that time come flooding back to me, and it's a powerful experience. I'm going to document my current life landscape in music right now so I can look back and feel this time again in the future.

Love It If We Made It - The 1975

I have an on-and-off/hit-and-miss relationship with The 1975, but I have been listening to this song on repeat for days. I literally cannot stop. If you can, watch the video but BE WARNED: video contains bright, flashing colours/lights and could trigger seizues.