Growing

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There is something comfortable about anchoring yourself in one spot and allowing the space around you to hold you. Sinking your roots into a warm, safe place and sighing deeply as the warmth and the damp seeps in and consumes you. You become one with your surroundings. You can look around you and decide that now is most definitely better than before. You can look back on all the glorious growing you have done. You can be proud about how far you have come. You can become comfortable with the person you are because the person you were was so far from where you wanted to be.

   The thing that I am now trying to remember is that I would not have the satisfying experience of looking back on my growth if I had not had the drive to change, to progress, to mature, to develop. When I'm worried about how badly I'm coping with something, it helps immensely when I can say, "but look at how far you have come".

   I'm trying to remember today that I am not done growing. I am still sprouting in every way imaginable. I am still learning about who I am. I am still recovering from hurt that I once thought unimaginable. I am still spreading my roots into every corner of myself and discovering new things. I am still closing doors on parts of myself that I am done with. I am trying to uproot my comfort and to stop standing still. To know that I can't settle for just being better than before. I don't want to settle for anything less than my best self.

   Soon I will stop thinking about growing and just start growing instead. I will say goodbye to parts of myself which are hurting me and I will lovingly wrap them up, thank them for serving me when I needed them, and lock them away. Sometimes you need to let go of things weighing you down so you can continue to grow towards the warmth and happiness that comes with change. Sometimes you need to stop trusting the feelings that used to keep you safe, and begin to trust other, new feelings that keep you safe now.

   I used to firmly believe that people never change. I believed that they will always be who they were. But who am I to deny the change in others that I have seen in myself? Who am I to deny my future self this change?

Keep growing, daisies. I'll see you there.